The Epitome of Stupidity (formerly pjo at goode high skool)
by ivywrites
Summary: chelsea (my oc) mets the pjo/hoo charactrs!1!1! drama, luv, end mor!1!1! unexpected betrayels, war, end more!1! plus theyre at hig skool! enjoy!111! my first fanfic, so no hate plez (And I'll put a big disclaimer here too. I AM TROLLING, DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY it is intended for humor purposes only.)
1. firs day of lik skool

omg hi guyz its me. so lik this is my first fanfic, i hop you lik it.

hey guyz, meh name is chelsea, pronunced CHELLL-SIGHHH. i em a junior at goode high skool, an i am eezily dah most popular, smart, gill their. i hav silky blak heir, gorjuss blue eyes, and a purfect tan. i am curentlyy single, whitch i still like donut understand, becuz lik im intelligenenent, beutiful, and smart!1!1!

anywayz i dont like to complayn, becuz thats lik ungreatful of me. in addishin to bein hot and intellijent, im elso dah mos giving, loving, jenerous purson i no. and lik i no a lots of pepple.

so lik todayz was teh oneth day of skool. i am lik so exited to sea mah bffs and baes agin. espeshally persy jaskon. he izz lik the nicest guy in skool, end his frinds are so lik cuteee too!1!1!1! today im waring this crop top dat shows off my adorbale tan, but its not too cropped becuz im not like farming equipment er anything lik dat. my shirt sez the short version of female doge, becuz im showin mah luv fer animalz. see, im lik so generus!1!1!

wel sinse i don hav lik a car er anythig yet, i bike teh skool on my adorbs mint gren bike, with my frind Mika. im making hr drive supr slow next teh me, becuz she haz a car end i dont, but lik i hafta act lik i dont care. besids i look so cute and afletic nex to her becuz im on mi bik and she's in lik a car.

mika keps on suggestin i get into her car wif her, but im like NOOO lik then i wont look cute and afletik nex to her so like we kep on going to skool end i fel so cuteeee anyways we finnally get ther end i see persy jaskon with a gilllllll! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

omg lik did u like it lemme no if u do no mean comments plz im only lik 09876543212345678 yrs old

~pjofanloveroctachelforevsxoxo


	2. a lik encoutr with persy end frends

omggg u guyz leev lik the nisest revews!1! i hav this new chaptr written up, i hop u lick it!1! plz remembr to onlee leev nise revews becuz im lik five yrs old end i cant take hate!111!1! hugs end kisses xoxoxoxoxoxo

i angrilly push my bik ovr! MAH POTENSHALL BAE IS WIF ANOTHER GILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! eeeeehhhhhhhh i fel lik ripping mah heir out, but dat wood not be attraktiv or anythin. so i go up to persy and yell hoooooooooo is dat gill yo wif!1!111!

thuh gill has lik blond heir, end lik gray eyes. i dunno actuelly wut she luks lik, becuz everywun's face jus blurrrsss togethr in mah mind, cuz when u hav my fac its dificuilt to concnentrate on othr pepple.

deres othr pepple surroundin persy. but i donut pey any attenshun to dem. annoyngly dey all are good lookin, kinda lik whut i wood look lik if mah face wuz run over by a truck.

i runned up to persy end slap dah gill attached to persy's arm. omg lik shes lik strong, not cute strong lik moi, but lik strong in a gross wrestler. she shaks me of her arm, lik and i hit the ground, but lik i do it in a damnsel in distresssssss way. im likeeeeeee soooooooo cuTEEEEEE!1!11!even wen lik im fallin to the ground.

well the blondy gill, hoo persy calls aanniebethth er somethin, just kinda loks at me lik imm weird er something, but shez probs just jeluss. dey all are. im lik so hot lol

annybethththth er hoever sez "Um, Hi? Do you physically attack everyone you meet?" uh wut no its becuz ur like tuching mah bf bae end i dun lik it so likeee go AWAYYYYY!11!1!

everywun in the group kinda laffs at me witch is lik so rudeeee lik did yo momma evr tech u manors? annybethie laffs dah most witch is lik so rudeeee. i ask dem wuts so funny wen mah adorbs bae persy snikers end sez "Chelsea, Annabeth is my girlfriend. I don't know why you think were dating, I don't think I've ever spoken to you."

wif dat their mass of frends drift away. arrgghh i em so mad lik i will get my revenje en all of dem. ESPESHALLY ANNIEBTHTHTHTHH.!11111 !1111!

mika has to lik drag meh insid and we head to are first classez.

Well that burned my eyes to write. I hope you liked it? Chelsea's entire purpose is to sound dumb, so I hope I did okay with that. Please leave a review, tell me if this is funny or not, and what you want to happen next. (Also I want to add that my username is ironic as well. Octachel is gross to me.)


	3. firs periodd

yer all lik so nice yer revews er so nice sorrie i havent put up a chpter in a whyle, ive been so busy lik hanging hout wif my frends and lik stuff skool end i just hav so muck stuf to do!1!11! wel i woked relly herd on dis so i hop u like it:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

ugh, i hav lik english first period. lik why do we hav to lern how to spek lik british pepple? im murrican end proud, witch is why i speeak perfekt american. im acshully in advanced english, becuz my gran's mother's uncle's brother's cousin's aunt's dog's groomer's mom was half british end i spek it quite well. my father wuz actually the onlee wun hoo relized how talented i am end payed da skool to put me in all the SMART CLASSEZ!11!1!

well it looks lik i'll be having lik mr blofish fer my teacherrr (hehe coinkidoink persyyyyyyyyyyyyy iz in mah classsssssssssssss yayyyyyyyy). i sit down in da row behinnd persy end sadly anniebtehith, but also next to mika, hoo i gess is ok.

blofish jus finished calling attendesene, durig witch he looked at mah shirt weird. maybe he haz lik an eye diseaze, i don discrimininat becuz im lik bootiful end gorjuss end lovly. meebe he was just overwellmed by mah shher awesomness, lik how mah shirt showz mah luv fer dogz.

itz dah firs day ovv skool, so we dont relly do anythin thank godness, but lik blofish letz us talk to ech othfer end git to no each other. mika end i go to our popularrr squaddd, where we al are bootiful end pretty but not as prettie az meh.

suddenly i see dat persy's entire squad is in dis class, end i decid my frends are not az importanant az stelling persy frum annibethth. mika is holdin be by dah neck ov my shirt, lik shez trying to stahp meh. ugh i no yer jeluss i say but hez min end nofin can change dat. she laffs end pullz me bak harder. well whatevs i'll jus do sum reserch on persy's squad end pull em apart lik dat.

dah bell rings. tim fer math.

*sighs*Oh Chelsea. Will you ever learn? Maybe I should add in an angry Piper. Leave me a review, good or bad, constructive criticism is always appreciated, so do that and give me ideas on what Chelsea should do next. Thank you for reading and the next chapter will be up very soon. Requests for OC's and any non-canon ships are also appreciated.


	4. meeting weirdos in lik math

ow my fellings r hurt by dah meen reveews lik plz stahp im onlee 5 yeers eld too deh pepple who gived me nice reveews thx u :)

(But seriously, whether you gave me advice or told me to shut up, thank you for reviewing. Also, with the advice of Calefe, I have decided to lighten up on the spelling errors. Also, to We're All Okay, SENPAI YOU NOTICED ME)

yay math. i luv it cuz im lik so good it. it almost makes me feel better about persyyyy. but lik not really lol.

i see this tall asian guy with a seat empty next to him, so lik i go end sit down. i made the so lik inteliligent desision becuz he wuz lik asian and lik asians are lik really good at math. i think…

anywayz mika annoyingly haz all the same classez dat i do, so shez behind me. i decide to ignore her end talk to the asian guy, becuz he looks lik the dude in persy's crew. er, maybe he is, becuz all asians look the same anywayz.

so i notice hez making awkward coversation with lik these two boyz next to him, some mexican elf thing and lik some italian creepy kid.

i saunter ovr end lik say hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!1!1! in my luvliest voice, but lik they look at me in horror. maybe they're not used to looking at hot girlz er something so i wave and blink at them.

"my namez chelsea, pronounced chel-SIGH becuz im lik part french er german er swedish fish er something. who er u?" i ask in a frendly voice.

the asian guy er whoever clears his throat end sez "Um, Hi? My name's Frank, these are my friends Nico and Leo. Nice to meet you."

the little mexican elf thing lookz me up end down, wigglez his eyebrowz, end sayz "Helloooo, I'm Leo, and now that I've met you, those two aren't important anymore. Wanna Netflix and chill tonight?"

i say no thank u, i dont date mexicans becuz think about wut donald trump sayz about them, end donald trump is alwayz right. they all glare at me lik i sed somethin offensisive er something, but obviously i didnt becuz im lik perf.

the grumpy old lady dat teaches math clears her throat end said that we would be working in lik math groups fer the year, so take some time to get to know pepple becuz whoever u pick yer stuck with. she sed five per group, but lik the moment she said go everyone peared up end only asian guy, mexican elf, end italian pale breadstick and mika were left.

we sat in a circle in deh floor, end did the group activity thing that lik mrs grumpy pants made us do. we had to lik answer questutuions about ech other to lik get to no each other.

the first quesstion wuz who are yer parents/people u liv with? what are their jobz? so eazy. my daddy is probably the richest guy in the whole world, who built his fortune off of massproducing the rubber ducky. he buys me whatever i want. lik seriously whatever i want. my mom isn't alive anymore, but lik i dont relly miss her becuz lik i was lik one years old wen she passed away.

frank, asian guy, looked at me sympatheticacaly end said "Oh, I'm so sorry Chelsea. I know what it's like, my mom died in war. She was a soldier in Afghanistan. I used to live with my Grandmother, but now I live with a group of friends. My Dad's not really involved in my life."

wuttttttttttt!1!111!i screech. yer mum was a soldier!that ws lik a soldier?! ew thats so manly end gross no wonder shes dead!

next thing i know, mexican leo elf punches me in de face. lik OWWWW!1!111! i glare at him, my contacts nearly falling out of my eyes, so angry i let him knowz bye my angry loking but still kind of hot glaring face. he and nico italian breadstick had da nerve to LAUGH!11!1!so not nice.

unfortunately, old grumpster math lady herd me talking smartly to frank, end gave me a DETENTION! SO NOT LIK COOL!1! ugh. we don't even get to answer de other questions, end mika had spent the entire time on her PHONE!1!1!

grr. tim for study hall. were having an assembly sinse itz the first day of skool.

Poor Frank. Just as another disclaimer, I don't mean any of the things Chelsea thinks. Apologizing in advance for the racist, homophobic, and generally rude things she says.

*insert my usual begging for reviews, suggestions, and ideas* Thank you for reading.


	5. the lame lik assembly

(So to those who want to know what ships will be in this story, it will be the majority of the canon ships, some platonic jasico, jercy, and annabeth/piper. I dunno about caleo or solangelo, because those characters aren't really a big part of the storyline (in will's case) or 100% known to have made it the mortal world safely (Calypso). I really want to do a valdangelo though, so if you don't ship valdangelo personally please bear with me for this *insert pleading face*. Also to SuzuBells, marya atlanta radeant yasmine seraphina uniqe emeralda will definitely be in the story. In my last chapter, I did say some offensive things, but the point of Chelsea is for people to have an example of who not to be. Falling into the categories of both asian and female, writing some of that hurt to write.

Okay, skipping the troll-ish intro on this chapter. This intro is getting really long…)

are lame lik assembly was held in the gym, witch is lik so gross becuz its lik the GYMMM!1! i attend this dumb thing lik every year, so i already no wut its gonna be about. some lame thing about doing yer best end stuff. lik im already perfect okaYYY?!1?!

so mika is looking relly annoyed at me, but shez saved a seat fer me, so i guess she still luvs me. well DUH shez my best freind without me she would hav no freinds.

i skip up the bleachers in my adorbs high heels to met her. annoyingly persy end crew with that ugly b word ANNIEBERTHGHTH are in the row below us. EW.

on the other side of mika is another girl, who is lik hot, but not as hot as moi, DUH. she kinda looks lik a female josh dun, so i guess she can be my frend. mika looks up from her phone, gestures me over, end sayz, "This is Marya Atlanta Radeant Yasmine Seraphina Uniqe Emerelda or something long and stupid like that. She wants to talk to you. Don't think it's for your amazing sense of humor or something though, she just wants your money." she stage wispers deh last part and scoots down a row to JOIN THE PERSY SQUAD WUTTTTTTTTT!?

when the actual heck did mika get invited to join the persy squad?! i get so mad i almost speak correctly in my mind. grr. mika has now become public enemy number 1.

my thoughts get interrupted bye gill with long name, who tapz my shoulder end sez "WHOZ DAT HOT BOY." deciding shez my new bfffff, replacing dumb emo goth er whatever mika (Author note, I mean no offense to emo or goth people, if you are I love you, but we are articulating Chelsea's inability to realize that not everyone who wears all black and listens to music other than pop music is emo or goth) shez pointing to nico breadstick diangesomething or another, who imo is way too grossly thin, lik not on a hot way lik me but thin lik a string bean with lik hair.

i tell marysue witch is my nickname for her cuz her actual name is so long and stupid not lik mine witch is long in a cute way Chelsea Ursula Natalie Tamara, but lik long in a gross would hav crush on breadstick diangelo way that his name is lik nico. she imemediately yellz "HE'S MY BOYFRIEND EVERYBODY" so loud it interrupts are dumb princiPAL'S speech. she glarez at us meanly end continues on.

marysue end i decide to ignore everything princiPAL meany face sez end lik gossip about nico end the persy squad instead. we eevsdrop end hear the word demigod, witch marysue tellz me is one of the 17 ballet positions, cuz shez taken ballet her entire lif, end got offered 23 scholarshipz to ballet school, but declined becuz she pityed the instructorz end knowed that they werent talented enough to tech her. we decide to find out mor about demigodz, end see if we can use dat to get a way to persy end nico.

finaly priciPAL'S dumb speech is over end we can head to lunch. marysue end i rejoin the popular squad witch i am the leader of obviously end we go to lunch.

but wait a minute...were is half the popular squad? i see them off on the othr sid of the gym, with sum girl who is almost as hot as me but not quit. WUT? they are supposed to be MY popular squad. GRRRRRRRR. I will hav my revengeeeee!1!1

with my remaining loyal squad, we saunter out the door in perfect steps, spritzing are perfume as we flipped our hair. as we passed are lame exsquad i hear new girl say her name wuz maria poppy. wut an actual MARY SUE name lik the gross kind, not lik my marysue.

Looks like Chel-SIGH has made a new friend and a new enemy, both of which will be very hateable. To who suggested this, this one's for you. My next chapter will be from Mika's POV, kind of to show how she met Chelsea and why the heck they were ever friends. In the chapter after that will be the pivotal lunch scene, where Chelsea and Marya begin stalking the "persy squad" and find out some things about demigods and Camps Halfblood and Jupiter. *maniacally rubs hands together* Action will happen. Also to clarify who is exactly in the "persy squad", it's Percy, Annabeth, Frank, Hazel, Leo, Nico, Jason, Piper, and maybe a wild Grover thrown in somewhere. *insert my usual begging for reviews, suggestions, and ideas* Thank you for reading.


	6. A sane interruption from Mika

GUYZ THANKZ YOUZ SO MUCHES FOR THE LIK REVIEWS END LIK YER ALL LIK SO NICEEEEEEEEE so dis chapterz willz be on lik mika, so excuze deh wierd spellingz lik i dunno.

(To SuzuBells, marysue and Chelsea were eavesdropping on "the persy squad", who were maybe telling some things to Mika *hint hint* so it wasn't the principal discussing demigods.)

Mika's POV: So many people wonder why I'm even friends with Chelsea. I guess you could see why, Chelsea's honestly one of the most racist, homophobic, self absorbed people I know. I think you probably wonder why I'm even in the "popular squad" considering most of the school thinks I'm emo.

It starts in freshman year, where I was "the cute new girl". That is to say, Chelsea, who had already established herself as queen bee, decided I was sufficiently cute and wealthy enough to join her ranks. As you can probably tell, our school is stuck in a perpetual Mean Girls like stereotype.

Even back then, you could tell I didn't belong/want to belong. Everyone in the group was nice to me, but I could tell they didn't really have anything in common with me, and Chelsea was blind to it all. My love of Homestuck was weird to them, as was my taste in music and how I really didn't care about discussing makeup and boys 24/7.

Of course, Chelsea tried to "convert" me into one of her little rich clone girls. She said I should speak with more of an accent (apparently in Chelsea's mind being a sixteenth japanese automatically qualifies me as a "foreigner") and act more "exotic". THat was probably around the time I decided that I was done with being a popular girl.

It might also have to do with the fact that over the summer, I discovered I was a demigod. I live with my aunt and uncle, since my mom died in a car crash when I was three, so I never really knew her, but it turns out that my dad is Apollo. With all the weird stuff I see anyway, it wasn't that surprising.

Spending the summer at Camp Half-Blood really separated me from the "popular girls", because everything they talked about seemed so trivial compared to what demigods did. Chelsea's over there whining about how four inch heels are giving her feet blisters when demigods are risking their lives living out in the mortal world? It's ridiculous.

Meeting the famous "seven" as they're called was a complete accident. They're legends at the camps, and I'm only a newbie. Probably the only reason we know each other was during sword practice Annabeth discovered that I also went to Goode. With Godly Enemy #1/Gaea dead, going outside of demigod safe zones is much easier.

So yeah, the story of how I joined and left the popular group. Its nice to know the difference between real and fake friends.

(Mika's point of view. Did you like it? It actually is really weird not having to leave off the 'e' of like every time I type it. The next chapter will be when the action finally starts happening. *insert my usual begging for reviews, suggestions, and ideas* Thank you for reading.)


	7. lunch lik part 1

(Okay I lied. The REALLY interesting stuff is in the next chapter, which will be up right after this one. I started writing and realized that there was no way this could fit in one chapter. So enjoy Lunch Pt,1. :))

omg lik dramaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!1! hop u lik it, chelsea end persy r so cute in thissssssssssssssssssss!1!

with my loyal lik flowers, we march intoo the cafeteriah cutely, perfect hair end expensi- expe- ugh i cant pronounce it relly lik money lots shoez. i seriously cant beliv new gill maria poopy er whoever, end that betrayer MIKA. but et least i hav marysue shez a tru frend.

so we go to our usual tabel, witch is in the middle of the cafeteria so everyonee nos who we our. but it WAS TAKENNNNNNNNNN!1!BY THE PERSY SQUAD!?END MIKA WUZ WITH THEM!111111111111111!

GRr im so madde i will go end set it strayt with them. exept persy end nico, becuz they were saved fer moi end marysue. i think ill keep blond boy too, just fer pepple to be jelous dat they hav one bf end i hav too.

but az the rest of are squad found a diffrent tabel, me end marysue march up to them end decid we willl demand cutely fer the tabel back. also we will knock persy, nico, and blondie out with our delicious smelling victoriaz secrete perfume, end drag them back to are tabel.

we get there...end mexican leo elf end breadstick nico are HOLDING HANDS!?1!?WUTTTTTT? lik theyre both lik dudez, wut?! one of them is probably bleeding er somethin, end the other is lik bandaging there hand up er something.

we get their, end persy is hiding under deh tabel, end dumb ANNINEBRTH sayz annoyinedly "Do you want Percy again? I swear, every girl in this building follows him around like a pack of dogs. Literally it feels like we're in some exaggerated fanfiction right now it's amazing how girls love him, considering he hasn't showered in two days."

uh HOW DAR UUUU i say meanly but stil cutely, dats offensive to persy. yer jelous u just wish you were hisz bae lik meEEE!1!

anniethehth just stabs her salad ungracefulyy with her fork end laughs grossly. "He is my boyfriend silly. There's plenty of other people at this school, go after them."

i heer pocahontas gill (can I just put this disclaimer right here that I don't mean any of the stupid things Chelsea says? The girl she is so eloquently describing is Piper) that kinda looks lik tristan mclean whisperz to black gill with weird eyez (again, don't mean anything Chelsea says) "Annabeth's not getting possessive. That means she doesn't think this girls a threat. So not a monster, just a really vapid mortal." Black gill with weird eyez sayz "Don't you think it's weird how no monsters have attacked us at all since we got to school? It's almost like someone is preventing them from coming for the sake of petty drama with the students and general hilarity of a reader if writer were to potentially make a transcript of this" uh wut she talkz lik shez sevety ew

well i say, trieing to get the convo back on moi, ignoring dat pocahontas gill called me a mortal lik wut even doez dat men. i tell den dat i want mah tabel back, end i end marysue will fight fer it.

blondie boy sayz "But I thought you could just pick a table. We didn't realize it was yours." blondie boy is cute, so i giv himz a pass fer sitting at moi'z tabel. omg fin u can sit her, just tellz me yer nam i sayz cutely.

"Jason. Now can you go way?" cutely i strut awayz lik yeh. but wherez marysue?!1!?1?! eh wutevr, ill just get a salad end wait fer her.

menwile, in marysue'z pov

In the span of one school assembly and the first ten minutes of lunch, that Chelsea girl already considers me her best friend? Wow, it's going to be so easy to take over this school. Obviously, I'm so much more appealing and intelligent than she is. While she's busy fighting for a stupid table, I'm talking to my boyfriend Nico.

I strut up to him in an attractive way, which isn't that difficult considering I'm perfect. My outfit accentuates how lovely and pure I am, with my daringly tight and short dress (Kim Kardashian owns the same one!) and adorable seven inch heels. I make sure to get close to him, so he can smell the entire perfume bottle I spray on myself every morning. For some reason he's looking at me weird, so I sit myself down in his lap and start stroking his hair.

He pushes me onto the ground and tells me to go away! What?! How dare he! I quickly tell him that it's not nice to push your girlfriend, and he has the nerve to laugh and tell me to go away? He tells me he's never met me before, which totally doesn't make sense, because _obviously_ we've been dating since I saw him at the assembly, when I announced it to the world.

I try to kiss him, but then a hand comes out of the way and slaps me! I fall over, wilting like a damsel in distress, hoping that my precious Nico will help me up. He just laughs?! I get back up angrily, ready to injure whoever tried to get between me and Nico. Oh, it's that Piper girl, who I have in my math class. She has no talent or class, who does she think she is, some celebrity's daughter? I know I am, my mom's dad's brother's uncle's sister's babysitter's nephews's dog's mom's owner's sister is Beyonce. Anyway, as I helplessly struggle to stand up, Piper glares down at me and pulls me aside. I flail helplessly, trying to signal to my boyfriend that I was being attacked. But alas, to no luck as he was busy staring into the eyes of that scrawny mexican kid. Naturally they were probably fighting over me. I have that effect on boys, obviously being the beautiful, attractive, darling girl I am.

Unfortunately, Piper still has me pinned to the wall, and as I attractively beg for mercy, she rudely puts it off with "Stop that pitiful whining. You sound like a constipated goose high on skittles, and that's putting it nicely. Now look here. You and your little friend Chelsea do not mess with Percy and Annabeth or Leo and Nico. You don't know anything about Nico, so stop pretending that you're meant for each other, if you knew some stuff about him you would turn around and act like he's the trash of the world. I am both Percabeth and Valdangelo trash #1, so you better not get in my way. I know people like you when I see one, so do us all a favor and leave him alone."

She says the last part so compellingly that I actually want to listen to her, but obviously I know that she's wrong. Nico and I are meant to be and I will love him forever. But Piper may be right about one thing. I don't know enough about him, but I will soon. Adorably, I head back to my table with a plan in my head, to destroy Piper, Leo, and make sure that Nico is mine once and FOR ALL.

omg wut will hadplen?! chelsea end marysue our lik so amazingz end bootiful, they wil totallie git nico end persy

(Marya/marysue's point of view. That was a thing. Also I threw in a Phandom reference, so shoutout to all the people who got that. I'm not very good at writing in the perspectives of Rick's characters yet, so bear with me while they all sound the same and are absolutely devoid of their own personalities. Next chapter will be the second half of lunch, where some high class internet stalking happens. Leave a review, tell me if my story sucks or not, I love constructive criticism, and if you want a character added or anything specific to happen, just let me know. Thank you for reading and have a lovely day!)


	8. lunch lik part 2

ugh lik pepper is so annoyingz i hop u can stand her fer this story

wel marysue gits bak wif newz on dat gross pepper gill, aka pocahontas gill. i hav serched bing fer "demigod", becuz google is obviously for lik loserz. a website called popped up. marysue end i hav secretivly tuned away frum the rest of the tabel, so i bet they were lik totally jelous of are insider info. we wisper secretly end ignor how jeluss everywun elsea is.

their is a message that pops up write when i open the tab, asking fer a password. i make a wild guess end type "we-stand-for-olympus". i saw it on mikaz phone once, so i gess she hangz out here to. not that i car, were enemiez now. immeididiatelyy a vid popz up with lik ANINENEINBETH ON IT LIK WUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!?1!? i pull out lik earbudz end hand one end to marysue, end press lik play.

ANNINBEHFJTRETH'S scrreeechy whiny lik voice sayz "If you have this phone, it means you are one of the demigods we managed to find and send a monster proof phone to. I collaborated with my fellow halfblood, Leo Valdez to make it. You'll know everything about him later. What is important is that you have finally become aware of who you are. Half god and half mortal. Our lives are dangerous, but the people you meet and the things you'll do are amazing. The minute you access this website, you must contact the satyr that gave you the password, and head to Camp Halfblood or Camp Jupiter. More information will be given to you there, but if you ever need help, there is all sorts of information here on this website. I can be contacted on the group chat, and there is a page with contact information to satyrs if you ever run into any trouble. Just remember, this website is 99% foolproof, and it is near impossible for non-demigods to access this. Good luck."

huh i lik remember mika mentioning lik a summer camp. wait a minute...if i hav dis phone..im a demigod!111!1!1!1! well I don't hav a mum, so I guess obviously lik im a daughter of lik Aphrodite!1!1! I decid in mah mind my own mother can hav herz name lik capitalizizationed. marysue loks et me happy, so i guess shez lik a demigodz too!1!

we decid to skip the rest of lik skool, becuz i no dat my dad payz the lik skool too keep there mouthes shut. we head out the door, no one stoppingz us, end git into marysue'z car. tim to do sum reserch.

we driv to marysue'z mansion, becuz itz closer. wile shez lik drivingz, i look et persy baez profile on end reed it out loud to marysue:

Name: Percy Jackson

Age: 17

Camp: Halfblood

Son of: Poseidon

Relationship status: In a relationship with Annabeth (i lik gag et this one)

Years at Camp: 4

Noble Deeds: Slayed Minotaur, Slayed Medusa, returned Zeus's Lightning Bolt, killed group of Laestrygonians, killed Polyphemus, defeated Atlas, defeated Kronos, survived Tartarus, defeated Gaea

Current Status: Starting sophomore year! hope they have blue pizza…also wish nico would explain to me why im NOT HIS TYPEEEE

wow my bae iz lik so BRAVVEEE!11! i decid that mah list of nobel deedz will be lik as long as hiz sum day. mary sue end i decid to find nicoz profile next. by now where et her mansion witch is lik not as big as min end were in her room reading.

Name: Nico di Angelo

Camp: Halfblood

Son of: Hades

Relationship status: In a relationship with Leo (marysue squealz lik stop lying et this one)

Years at Camp: 3

Noble deeds: killed Minos, became Ghost King, convinced Hades to help in Titan War, revived sister Hazel from the dead, helped defeat Kronos, helped defeat Gaea

Current Status: school. *insert ironic yay* more people to yell slurs at me. i want a happy meal…

awwww!11! marysue squealz he'z lik so adorbz. we spend the rest of the lik day loking ovr all of the lik informamationz on the lik website. we lern about lik claiming, how to git to camp, end satyrz. i decid to contact the one named grover underwood, becuz hez frendz with persy.

i send him a txt, end then marysue end i device a plan to make my "claiming" tomorrowz morning. i no that tomorrowz a friday, end fer sum reason are skool is clozed fer a week, so itz perfect.

marysue end i make are own profilez. min iz:

Name: Chelsea Ursula Natalie Tamara Lockwood

Camp: Halfblood

Daughter of: Aphrodite

Relationship Status: With my bae Persy

Years at Camp: None yet!

(i decid that since i dont no any useless info on greekz end romanz, i red over sum stuffz on wikipedia, itz so reliable)

Noble deeds: Slayed Hera, Slayed Chiron, rescued Kronos, tamed Terminus, befriended Medusa, adopted Dionysis, Poisoned Cerberus

Current status: So stoked like for arriving at camp!

i em lik so annoyed et how the dumb wesite keps lik misspelllling mah wordz. oh wellz. marysue haz decided shez a hunter of lik artemis becuz shez pure end luvly. also shez the daughter of all the godz, becuz shez that amazingz.

Name: Marya Atlanta Radeant Yasmine Seraphina Uniqe Emeralda Pleighmont

Camp: HalfBlood

Relationship Status: My adorable Nico

Daughter of: All the Gods duh

Years at Camp: None so far

Noble deeds: So many it's honestly too difficult to remember, but slayed the Olympians, helped the Giants, Swam in the River Styx for fun, hunter of Artemis

Current Status: Totes prepared for Camp!

i go hom that night noing tomorrow, PERSY WILL BEZ MY BAE!11!

omgz lik did youz liks it, finnaly chelsigh end marysue will meet the lik camperzzzzzzzzzzzz!1!elso the next chapter willz hav grover wif a hint about lik chelsea'z special identitiy!1!i will trie to post lik a chapter everyday so be prepared plz review but be nice becuz MEAN REVIEWZ MAK ME SAD:(((((((((((((((((((BUT THX FER READING END HAV A BEAUTIFUL LIK DAYYYYYYYYY


	9. beingz claimed end goingz to lik camp

wrting groverz pov fer the first half excuze dah weird spellin i hav to do fer him im not used to itt

Grover:

This morning has not been a good morning. Juniper and I had a fight, and I have currently made the very bad mistake of letting Coach Hedge take over my Lord of the Wild duties while I go to pick up a demigod that contacted me yesterday.

Something seemed very fishy about this demigod. The text they sent was "im chelsea a demigod dauter ov aphrodite plz pick me up i go to goode ps if u know persy jskon plz tel him he kan do so much better then anniberth elso mah bff marysue who ive nown fer a day iz a demigod two plz send help az well lik thx" It was odd that they had already been claimed before going to camp, and also two demigods at a school without being sniffed out? Well, the entire pack of main characters and Nico are at Goode (why is it always Nico? I get that he's gay and kind of adorable, but I want some love too. Seriously Rick, stop writing me out of the story in EVERY. FREAKING. BOOK.) so I guess that Tartarus is having a field day.

Pulling my beanie tighter over my head and adjusting my fake feet, I step out into the lawn of Goode. I make a mental note that it's much better than Yancy, and that if Juniper and I ever get over our fight (I keep telling her I WAS NOT STARING AT THAT GOSHDARN BLUEBERRY BUSH) we would definitely have our kids attend this school.

Immediately, there is a flashbang of lights above the heads of two girls, both wearing way too much makeup and very short dresses. I realize that these must be the demigods, and immediately rush over.

As I get closer, I start getting a halfblood scent, but it's somewhat...off. I could detect barely any scent off of the brunette with glasses (marysue), so I assumed she was the daughter of a minor goddess. The dark haired one however, smelled very off. A halfblood...but not a demigod?

Anyways, my only job now was to get the two girls out of here. I had contacted Percy and Annabeth earlier, telling them that I would be here, but for them to ignore me because I needed stealth for this job. Also I told Annabeth to do some mist-bending for me, in case any monsters attacked, or the demigods started freaking out or something. I would also need a disguise, so now I held the form of a pompous looking business man.

The girls were screaming now, and I figured out that the flashbang of lights was them being claimed. For some reason, all the Gods signs were going up at once, which made no sense. By now I didn't care. I just wanted to get these weird demigods out of here, and get back to camp.

chelseas pov:

omg lik me end marysue hav lik the puufect, ultimite, fullprof plan. we had speakers set up, lights ready, end basically a bunch of special affekts that lik im two smart end intelligigent to understandz.

we set it off, end act all surprised lik were being clammed. i noticed dah persy squad loking et us end i new dat he wood be min SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!111!

a middle aged dude dat kinda loks lik a poor version of lik my dad walkz upz to us, end i assumed hez grover.

i scream groverz itz moi chelsea my mom is Aphrodite dats qhy im so perfekt end mary sue squealz "I'M THE DAUGHTER OF ALL THE GODS AND GODDESSES I AM SO SPECIAL EVERYONE LOOK AT ME!" groverz panicz end runz over here. i remember that were not supposed to tell everyonez were demigodz, so i qickly tell marysue, becuz i no that none of uz wantz to sabotage are chancez of gitting persy end nico breadstick by doing somethingz dumb lik that.

quickly groverz tellz us that we have to go to hiz car, end git to campz halfblood. i smartly tellz him that we already no, so we all sneak across the lawnz to the lik parking lot.

finaly, i em one step clozer to persy.

omgz yasssssssssssssss finaly chelsea end marysue our goingz to chb, plz review end tell me ifz u want enything to hadplen er if u want eny demigodz to meet chelsea end marysue camp i no i will definitely putz clarrise in enywayz plz revew thx u fer reading hav a luvly day:)))))!1!1!ps remembr chelsea iz a halfblood but lik not a demigod oooh she'z gonna be speshal end perfect *hint hint*


	10. meeting horse dude chiron end other stuf

(I feel like I should change the title of this story, since it's not really Percy and his friends going to High School and being terrorized by a stupid mortal anymore. I started this story thinking it would just be a lighthearted parody of other "Pjo at Goode" stories, but it's turned into two vapid girls who are literally faking being demigods to sneak into a camp, turn everyone against the two boys they are in love with, and run off to be with them. Believe it or not, I do have a basic outline of what will happen from now on, so I will only take suggestions for stupid things you want Chelsea and marysue to do at camp, and specific canon characters you want to interact with C&m. To LL: Mika was honestly kind of there at the beginning to emphasize how crazy Chelsea is compared to normal people, from this chapter on she'll just be kind of in the background.

And remember dear readers, Chelsea being a halfblood but not a demigod is very important. Also, if you remember Maria Poppy from a few chapters ago, don't forget about her either. *wink wink hint hint*)

so grover pullz into wut lookz lik a stwawberry field!?1?! um no. he maks a comment on how bootiful it iz dis tim of year, but all i can think iz...WHERE ARE THE LIK SHOPPING MALLZ?!1!? i cant liv without new cloths every dayz. ugh i gess ill just hav to liv on dis gross farm. oh the sacrifificez i mak fer luv. i hop persy noticez how generous i amz.

grover leadz us into a barn witch he callz lik the big house. insid is a angry looking gill, another gill holding wut looks lik a pig ew, end a dude attached to a horseee!?1!? i relize dis must be a test, end horse dude must be a moster. i see two swords hanging on the wall, so quicly end cutely i grabz them end toss one to marysue. i yell CHARGE lik the same word i yell when my phone iz 10%, end we head towardz horse dude.

grover yells stop so i think he must be yelling at horse dude not to killz us becuz it might ruin our designer dressez. i think he also might hav a crush on moi, so i make sure to turn him down nicely laterz.

horse dude sayz "Calm down girls, I'm not a monster. You don't have to be scared here. My name's Chiron, and I am the Camp Director. " uh wut who doez he think he iz lik im not scared he cant trick me i no hez a monster. but i guess i will play alongz, sinse hez obviouslyz fooled grover.

horse dude keepz talking. i guess hiz name is lik carol er somethin, but obviously im too importantz two keep track of all thesez lik namez. he sayz "I presume that you have done some research on . Everything you need to do should be stored there. This is a very good replacement for the old camp video we had new campers watch before. I was told it was less than pleasant. Now, I'm sorry to cut you two off like this but I have some business to attend to-"he lik gesturez to the too gills, "By the way, who are your parents and what are your names?" i smartly yell none of your beeswax but stupid lik marysue starts rattling off her dumb 18 namez end how shez a hunter of artemis end the daughter of all the gods end how im the daughter of Aphrodite.

im startingz to lik relly hate marysue. well...shez still mah bff forevs. so lik grover has to stay behind fer lik sum buizness er whatever so lik sum beach hippie dude lik will solace er something showz us around.

"Welcome all to the official CHB tour. My name's Will Solace, and I will be your tour guide." he sayz this in lik such a lame announcer vioce lik who doez he think he iz lik were not five okayz? snotty marysue iz lik acting lik hermy er whoeverz from harold pottery er whatever it iz lik so annoyingz.

first we pass the cabinz. i ask witch one iz mine end will hippie dude solace points to an adorbs pink barbie house. marysue poutz lik a baby end askz if she can have her own sinse shez lik daughter of all the godz. will laughz at her end sayz that being the daughter of all the godz iz impossible. he sendz her off to the hermes cabin lol.

i didnt bring any of my stuff with me, but sinse i em clearly the only end favorite daughter of APHODITE obviouslyz lik she wood hav a desiner wardrobe laid out fer me in mah house.

i swing open the doorz lik they do in movies end THIER OUR PEPPLE INSID!1!1! uh wut i yell get outta mah house but then some asian gill strutz over end sayz "Well well well. Looks like we have another newbie. You can sleep there". she pointz to lik the smallest bed, end dat made me MAD. all these strangerz were in MAH HOUSE pretending to be children of MAH MOM, end they our NOT takin mah sleep rights either. i yell yall are fakez espeshally dumb asian chick gill so lik u can all git outta mah house!111! grr we get interrupted by other camperz telling us its lik lunch, but trust me i will git mah revenge on asian gill. tim to hed two the dining pavilion.

i cant wait fer tomorrow. itz a saturday end persy iz coming.

Chiron's point of view: I had just finished having a meeting with Praetor Reyna Ramirez-Arellano and Lou Ellen about creating a portal between the two camps for easier transportation, but considering that Lou Ellen had accidently turned the pegasus Reyna rode here on into a pig, the meeting did not end well. Then, Grover bless his heart, showed up with two mortal girls who tried to kill me. Boy was I ticked.

"Grover! Are you insane?!" I yell. As much as I liked Grover, I could not believe his nose would fail him like this. He just brought mortals to camp, for Olympus sakes!

"I..I thought they were halfbloods. The one named Chelsea, she doesn't smell like a mortal. Not like a demigod either, but something altogether _different._ I'm sorry Chiron, I really didn't know."

He stuttered, and I felt bad for him. This was the biggest screwup he'd had since he brought Luke, Thalia and Annabeth.

I patted him on the back and told him I would sort this out. After he left, I went over to my telephone and dialed a number that I hadn't dialed in a long time. It rang for a bit, and then on the other end I heard a startled gasp, as if they weren't used to the ring of a telephone. I said "Hello...Albus? We've got a problem on our hands."

(Chiron's POV? It's pretty ooc, but I have no idea what goes on in Chiron's head. Cliffhanger kind of. I will give an imaginary trophy to anyone who manages to guess my kind of lame plot twist at the end of this story. It's pretty epic in my opinion. Um, *insert my usual begging for reviews* thank you for reading. Also sorry for the paragraph I took asking for new title ideas.)


	11. marysue tries to fight

A LITTLE CHAPTER FOR MARYSUE FOR YOU TO READ AS I TYPE UP THE NEXT CHAPTER

so lik therez drama btwn marysue end chelsea oh no! *sobz* itz not lik they only new each other fer lik too dayz...well herez a little chapter with marysue i hop u lik it :))))))))

(LL-I wish I had thought of that. The actual plot twist is much more cliche. I might have to do that sometime though.

The Punk Rock Demigod-I wish I knew what goes on in Chelsea's head, but unfortunately its so empty in there I can't really find anything

Also, offensive things will be said, I do not mean any of them.)

marysue's Point of View:

Well I just got my weapon, which is a beautiful celestial bronze sword. Will said it might be too big for a beginner like me, but i tell him to shut up, because like, he doesn't even know me. I am a professional sword fighter, I saw them on tv once and with the amazing processing speed of my brain took it up immediately. I laugh at Chelsea in my head, she has a lame gold sword. Like anyone could afford a little solid gold sword. Only us truly wealthy individuals can have _celestial bronze._ Oh well, Chelsea is a second rate rich girl anyway. She's seriously so gross. Like the tacky Prada dress she had on the other day? Anyone could afford that. But I recently discovered this really nice high end store called Target, and the deals there are amazing. It was almost as nice as my all time favorite store, Dollar General.

Will leads us over to the sword fighting area, but Chelsea chickens out, some excuse about having to deal with some girl named Drew. That's a disgusting, over-masculine name by the way. Speaking of names, I have decided to have everyone refer to me as Marya, because it's so much better than "marysue" the initials of my name that just so happened to spell another name.

Will tries to steer me towards the training area, but I know I am better than that. I head over to the advanced area, where I noticed there was a crowd. I heard a low voice asking for someone to fight them, so I assumed it was a swoon-worthy guy and quickly dashed over. I strut over to the crowd and squirm through until I get to the front. I yell "I accept the challenge!" and hope that who I'm fighting is hot. But I look up and...it's some manly looking girl! She's disgustingly muscular and not wearing any makeup. I almost want to choke. I can't believe she's even allowed to be female.

Threateningly, she holds her spear up. I'm not scared though. I know I'm the best fighter. I charge heroically…..and fall over? Ugh, mangirl could have killed me!

I quickly slip into innocent little girl mode, and start crying. I know that immediately everyone will feel bad for me, and that mangirl will be kicked out of camp!

But everyone starts...laughing at me?! How dare they! It turns out I sprained my ankle, and the infirmary is "temporarily out of nectar and ambrosia" whatever that means, so they have to fix my ankle the normal way. The girl who injured me is apparently named Clarisse La Rue, and she even got cheered on when she beat me! Ugh, and it even turns out she has a boyfriend too. Ew, he must be using her because he's too poor to hire a bodyguard.

Well, now that I'm in the infirmary alone, I decide to find some things about Nico. I read through his entire chat, and googled his name. What was weird was the only birth records of a Nico Di Angelo was in the 1940s. Weird. Also, he had a sister named Bianca, but she's dead. I decide to mention her a lot tomorrow when I see him, to show that I care about his loss. He also apparently has a sister named Hazel, but I suppose she's only pretending to be his sister because she looks nothing like him. He claims to be dating a guy named Leo, who I guess is the weird mexican guy from lunch. Is he cheating on me? Nah, he just wants to make sure I care about him. I decide that this whole Leo thing is just a test, and decide to treat him like trash when I meet him. Nico apparently also had a crush on Percy, according to the gossip forums, but thankfully it's all over and they're both okay with it. With all the double dates Chelsea and I will inevitably have with our hot boyfriends (after that horrid Chelsea realizes I am superior in every way) I don't need any awkwardness.

Eventually I get sleepy from the hours of internet stalking- I mean internet browsing, and fall asleep to dreams of Nico and moi's wedding.

(I will try to get my next chapter up today or tomorrow, so I hope you enjoy this little filler chapter, and also hope it fuels your hatred for marysue/Marya a bit? I dunno, I really need a one dimensional character, and she is intended to fill the spot. As always thank you for reading and please review, tell me if my story's good or bad, all that stuff.)


	12. breaking up lik persaberhth

**so um lik 40 reviewz thatz lik pretty cool um have a thx message from chelsea:**

" **omg lik im famousz 40 reviewz to my story lik im kinda breakingz da fourth wall here but lik thank u this almost da best day ov mah lik life almost as good as the day i downloadedz lik candy crush on mah lik phone thinking it wuz lik a dating app"**

ok i em lik so done with asian gill drew tanaka er whoever. shez literally the most lik b wordy person i hav ever met. im still laughing marysue tho. she needed to lik git over herself end stuff. well anywayz sinse yesterday we hav gotten weaponz. mine iz an adorbz dagger mad of gold end diamondz that hippie will sayz they got in a trade with lik camp jupiter end iz priceless. well sinse itz priceless i guess it not very nice end i can mak modificationz to it. then with my beautiful work on it it will be worth lik millionz. i snuck to the local paint store end lik bought sum sparkly pink paint end painted the dagger. itz dried prettyly end i cant wait to try it out in sword fighting class. i no i am dah best i had 2 whole fencing classez in sixth grade.

then i remember itz saturday omg the PERSY SQUAD IS HERE!1!1!111 i hav a master plan to win him over by being better at sword fightingz then anniberthgfdjgth. hahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA!1!1!

its nine am, end i rush out to see a lik wite van pull up. wait an minut...mah dad alwayz told me to watch out fer wite vanz...they our alwayz full of kidnapperz!111!my preciouz persy might be in trouble!1!screw the rest of dah persy crew, espeshally mika, who can go die fer al i care.

i rush gracefully over to lik the van, tear the door open with lik mah massiv strenth, end pull out mah adorbs dagger to lik KILL PERSYS KIDNAPPERZ HOW DARE THEY LIK TRIE TO STEALZ HIM FROM MOI!1!11!1111!

as i grab persy out of the van i notise pepple staring end glaring me. well i thinkz lik obviously dey cant be glaring theyre lik probablyz lik staringz moi respectafully. persy startz struggling, so think he'z trieing to kimmunicate to me that he'z the strong one in are relationship. quicklyz i let go end fall into hiz lap gracfully, but then i en left on the ground az the rest of the persy squad leave the van end lik abandon lik me!?1?!/1111?! ugh. i will beatz annikBEKUTKHGVEKBVUEJFTH.

a few ours later,i rush to the lik swordfighty place, whateverz itz lik called, end i spot anniberthggjekjbvirvgunirutnvkjgiuth end persy giving classez. obviouly i dont even lik need dem, but lik i wanna be cute end helpless to persy so i lik approach him end cutely demandz help.

he sayz okay end also he sayd he still wasnt my bae witch didnt mak sense becuz he iz. he teachez moi how to hold mah dagger rightly, end also asked me where i got mah dagger becuz hed never saw a dagger dat wuz pink. i say i mad it myself, witch is only a half lie exept itz also the truth becuz im bootiful end i never lie.

my bf persy continuez to make small talk with me. our convo goez sumthin lik this:

persy: So you're a demigod? No offense to you, but you never seemed like it. I mean, monster attacks have really slowed down since the giant war, but it's almost eerie how nothing has happened to anyone.

me: um im totes a demigod anywayz bae wth iz the giant war? sum video game u play? did u play it with annibethrhthththth? cuz u no the other day skool i sawed her with ur friend blondie boy. THEY WEREZ HOLDING HANDZ!1!1!

persy: Chelsea, the Giant War was an actual war. I fought in it with Annabeth. Believe it or not, she probably wouldn't cheat on me. She's so dedicated in this relationship that I remember she would get mad at me for interacting with other girls before we were even dating. And you've seen how crazy the hallways at Goode get between classes. Jason and Annabeth were probably just going to the same class and trying not to get separated.

me: omg persy ur lik too trusting. girls like anniberthskfbvudjth are gold diggerz that are just with u for ur lookz. shez totally cheating on u. but thatz ok becuz im ur bae end i promise to never leave u.

persy: Chelsea, look. You're a nice girl, but I'm dating Annabeth and that's final. You literally know nothing about me, so please leave my relationship alone and maybe we can be friends.

me: okay persy. we can be friends. im totes over u. see dat cute boy over there im lik totez in luv with him now. but remember wut i said about anniberthskhgbvrkugeougbvidfhth end blondie holding handz.

i then strut off, totally not meaning wut i just said. i no in mah heart persy end i are ment to bee. i turn around one more tim to see if persy realized wut he just lost. he lookz kind of grossed out, witch meanz he finally realized how gross aniinberth is. but then i relized dat the hot boy i pointed to wuz actually dat old gross weirdo dude lik dionysis?! hez lik fifty bajillion yearz old end haz a hideous fashion sense, almost as bad as breadstickz diangelo.

i head over to wear ANIIBERFGHTH is end point mah dagger her chest. i the loudly proclaim I REWUEST LIK A DUEL!?111/?!111?! she gigglez end sayz yes. but i no she wont be so braggy fer long. i no shez using mah poor persy end i will put an end to it.

i charge end fall over!? ugh. i get up end swing mah dagger lik a baseball bat end knock stupid ANNIBIETSTH to lik dah ground. her head bleed end i suddenly relize dat lik im holding a knife.

but i relize somethin even bigger. I JUST ELIMINATED MAH COMPETITION. LOLOLOLOL

i em so happie. dat meanz i just earned mahself persy.

as anniestupid gits dragged to dah infirmary end fed ambrosia end pepple for some reason keep lik yelling me. im lik wut i just almost killed dat stupid persy stealer cheater be happy.

an announcement fer me to go to the big house is called by freaky horse lik dude. ugh. if i git in troublez fer lik minorly hurting anniberth ill jus git dad to pay them to shut up. besidez, im too smart end intellijent end hot end cuteee to git n trubble.

 **(I don't even know what I just wrote. Chelsea just went from innocently dumb to psycho stupid. I'm so sorry. Please review, and if this gets too freaky for you to read on, I completely understand. Also don't worry, Chelsea hasn't done too much damage and Annabeth is alive. Also, marysue/Marya will be out of this story after this chapter. If you want to know what happens to her, I will have another story up soon dedicated to her. Thank you for reading and have a good day!)**


	13. questttt

**omg marysuez dissapeared!1! suspense!11!**

HAHAHAHA. marysue that stupid lik loser getted throwed out of lik camp. im lik so glad becuz i new all along dat she was a fake. its the biggest news rite now too, which is lik kinda annoying. my meeting with chiron was kinda lik ok, i just said it wuz an accident end he believed me. apparenty i guess lik people think im lik stupid er something so i just played dumb. we all no im actually totes inteeligient end smart end stuff.

annibeththt is in dah lik infirmary with lik head wounds end lik marysue ran off with the lik fleece er whatever which i think iz greatz. now persy iz all MINE!111!

but dumb marysue end all her 25 lik names is being whispered about everywherez. a mortal accidently let into camp? a weird lack of monsters since gaea failed to lik rise? the golden fleece gone?i heer pepple talking about it everywhere end its so annoyingz lik stfu itz only a old ratty lik sheepskin end who carez if marysue ever wuz here?

anyway itz sunday end i feel spectacular. ive eliminated annibeth frum dah persy squad. time fer targets 2 end 3. blondie boy end pepper gill.

pepper gill iz in mah cabin, which is lik totes gross becuz she'z so weird end possesive. she also acts lik she's dah queen of everythingz. lik wth did she do defeat some old goddess? well she end i our the only onez in are cabin right nowz, thx goodness that creep lik drew isnt here.

are convo goez lik this:

pepper gill: I wish you'd stop calling me Pepper, Chelsea. It's _Piper._ Anyway could we not talk now, I have to go to a meeting. If you haven't realized, a mortal BROKE INTO CAMP, has STOLEN THE GOLDEN FLEECE, and news has broke that Annabeth has LOST MOST OF HER MEMORY. My day could not get any worse, so please leave me alone.

me: uh could i attend dah lik meeting i wanna help save dah camp (in mah mind i think the only reason im lik doing this is fer pepple to see moi as a lik hero)

pepper gill: That's the most noble thing I've ever heard you say Chelsea. Well, the head campers are allowed to bring another camper if they want to. I guess you could come.

me: ok pepper gill.

pepper gill: _Piper._

we head down to the big house, end i decid now iz lik a good time to feed pepper- oops i mean lik PIPER ugh shez so lame lik i dont correct anyone when they mispronounce mah name lik she should lik stfu- the blondie end annibertfdfth holding handz story.

me: so u no yer hot bf jasy er watever?

pepper: Yes… why?

me: well at skool the other day i sawed him hold hands with dat female dog anniebgfhdth!1!

pepper: So? I know they're friends.

i was shockedly shocked. um wat? if i sawed sum gill wuz holding handz with mah bae i would sue them fer $25.00 becuz datz a lotta money.

we sit down a large tabel. sadly dat creep horse dude is herez. mah bae persy iz here, along with some disgusting looking one eyed thing. he referz to it as his brother!?1!? ewewewew i hop he dissapearz after i get with lik persy. he obviously is just taking advantage of persy end using him.

the gross lik stoll twinz er whatever are here too. leo freaky mexican elf valdez end hiz sister nyssa who iz wayyy too grossly muscular iz here too. also nico breadstick kid end his fake imposter sister hazel iz here. asian frank guy end muscled gill clarisse who i kinda respect becuz she beat marysues sorry butt iz also here. dah two garden sisterz are here, end also lou ellen pig gill. will solace iz here too. then there are a bunch of pepple i dont know the namez of end dont lik care about. also weird goat guy grover end some almost as hot as me but not quite nymph who i heared iz named lik juniper.

chiron callz us all to attention. he sayz "Attention to those all here. As you all know, many terrible things have happened in the last few days. Annabeth is in the infirmary with a head injury. While its not serious physically...she's lost all her memories of camp." YAYAYAYAY BEST NEWZ LIK EVER!1!

everyone glarez me. i decide that itz probably a secret signal to look sad now but throw a lik party layter. i try to put a mournful look on my face, but for sum lik weird reason someone asks me if i hav a stomachache.

chiron dronez on some more. "Unfortunately, we have also discovered the first mortal that we ever mistook for a demigod has managed to escape the camp with the golden fleece. I am sincerely very disappointed in myself for not doing better than I should've in keeping the camp safe."

a blond haired boy who kinda lookz lik anniebeththth raisez hiz hand lik a nerd end chiron callz on him. hiz name is malcolm which i guess isnt as bad as the name annidjdhfvbjbgirhfbghtth.

he sayz "I've been doing some testing on the protective border of the camp. I think it's weakening. It let in a real demigod-" he points to moi end i stand up end bow, "because her aura or whatever masked that she was a mortal. Now with the fleece "conveniently" gone, any monster could come attack us. But there's been a drought of monsters lately. I think they're planning something. Some force is coming at us, and I don't think it's good."

everyone listenz, spellbound. uh wut let me hav sum attention. i yell "why dont u all lik initiate a lik quest!?". they all turn my way end i wink end smile them.

gross rachel dare who i used to make fun of sayz "It doesn't work that way Chelsea. I can't just spew out a prophecy anytime I want-" but then she lik startz lik vomiting green gas end talking weirdly.

 _Four HalfBloods will come forth_

 _To find what's missing and travel north_

 _death, fire, song and a mystery_

 _one will find their true history_

um what wuz that that prophecy sucked lik it sounded lik something sum dumb fanfic writer would make up. i decid anyway dat this is lik the chance to be queen bee ive been waiting fer.

i yell dat i wanna be in the quest. blondie boy jasie sayz sumthin stupid lik "You've only been here for three days."

ugh he continues on in his dumb voice end trys to analyze dah quest.

"Four demigods, thats for certain. Why not three? Death, fire, song, that might symbolize their godly parents. Finding whats missing, that has to be the golden fleece, travelling north seems pretty obvious too, like Canada. Thalia told me that the Hunters are currently there, and if I was a girl on the run I would hide with them."

ugh shut up jason if u werent so cute everyone would hate u end yer stupid glassez. but everyone listenz to him attentionedly. ugh!1!

then little scrawny breadstick nico pipez up. "If Death means Hades, I'll go." mexican elf leo addz dat he will go becuz he's clearly fire. um no i will not hav these loserz ruin mah quest. i tell everyone dat i represent mystery because im mysterious end alluring. no one arguez.

finally mika who i purposely did not realize wuz here becuz she suckz sayz "If song represents Apollo, I could go. I've been to Canada and I know the area pretty well."

uh how could she be so lik stupid canada is lik so bigz lik dah size of texas we could be anywhere. but i guess this quest could my chance to showed her how much better i am then her end maybe we could be bffs again.

when all this is settled, chiron givez us a day to prepare stuff end travel to a local mall to get anything we might need.

when we get out of dat gross place, its about 11 am end i happily notice dat pepper end jasie our a bit suspicious of ech other. PERFECT.

mah next targetz are hazel with dah creep eyez end asian dude frank. this will be easy to breakz up.

 **(So Leo, Nico, Mika and Chelsea are going on a quest in Canada. I have literally no information on Canada so if you're from there please feel free to enlighten me on it. I might just end up making up a fake forest and having everything take place there. I have decided to have Mika return as a character after shoving her in the background, because I kinda like her and I have a new purpose for her.**

 **As always please review, and if you have a suggestion for how Chelsea should try to break up Frazel let me know in your review. Thank you for reading and have a good day :)**


	14. shoppingz with lik hazel

**Ohmydarlingfandoms- I guess you could say that...but its more like a few specific characters make an appearance at the end**

 **CrazyBlueOwl- Chelsea will probably never improve, sorry :(**

 **now dat the lik panic has lik kinda lik calmed down, end pepple no dat there will be lik a quest...i can finally get persy! we leave in lik a day, witch**

means those loserz leo end nico hav already gone off end started putting the lik finishing touchez on a invention dat leo taco bell boy just happenned to hav lieing aroundz. ugh. marysue would be lik a much better lik match fer breadstick olive garden nico boy theyre both lik gross end weird. i also em so annoyed mika, how dare she show up again in dis story when she was lik dismissed chapterz ago? ugh.

leo rudely handed me a listz of lik thingz we needed to bring end made me the person in lik charge of buyingz everything. grrr i make dat weird eyed gill hazel come along end show me around so i can break up another lik persy squad couple end basically destroy hiz frend group once end fer all!1111!

hazel end i git dropped off the mall by sum creep named arguss with lik wayyy too many eyez. well actually dats not the creepy part its lik how he annoyingly doesnt do anythin with his lik eyez. lik if i had dat many eyez i could do all my favorite eyeshadow looks end wear all mah favorite designer sunglassez all once!11!

mexican elf leos list sayz (er at least i think itz wut he writed i cant read hiz handriting):

-water bottles

-backpacks (4)

-sleeping bag

-tents (2)

-food (preferably canned or long lasting)

-anything else you want to get, no one knows how long we'll be gone

(also with whatever remainder of money you have left, please give back to me)

even better leo gives me $500 to spend!1! i no dats lik not a lot of money so just git my own credit card end bring it alongz.

ok i step into victorias secret well more lik drag hazel in their becuz she was heading fer some hunting store lik wut would we need to get in there? we need water bottlez so i grab 4 lik water bottlez they all say victorias secret on the sids but i dont think the boyz will mind lik nicoz practically a gill anyway. there really cheap too $25 each. hazel sayz dat they might be too "feminine" whatever dat meanz.

then we need lik backpacks, end i see adorable little leather backpackz lik michael kors!1! hazel sayz there too small end too expensive, but forget her shez just poor. i buy four fer $1000 each lik what a deal!111!

we need sleeping bagz so i spot sum adorbz bumblebee sleeping bagz for $350 each!1! hazel tellz me it would be better to git mor "less flashy" sleeping bagz but i tell her to just lik shut up.

we need to hav lik tentz too end im pretty sure dat 2 tentz meanz one fer me end one fer the other 3 pepple to share. i see barbie themed tentz so of course i buy one fer myself. hazel tries to drag me to a different store to buy camo tentz but i tell her that camo is sooo last year. i think hazel has lik a seizure or somethin because she rollz her eyez.

last but not least foodz. i buy a bunch of fruit infused beauty water becuz i definitely will not drink the lik normal kind. the list also sayz longlasting food end hazel triez to take us to a health food store dat sellz dried end canned food but im lik nooo. i go to mcdonaldz end order 500 happy mealz. i sawed on the internet that they lik last forever so that was lik important. also we needed somethin healthy so i bought 200 twinkies. hazel lookz lik she wantz to slap me but i think her face is just built that way. not everyone can be as hot as moi.

finally this lame list shopping is over!1! he sayz i can spend the rest of the money on whatever i wantz so i decid to leave hazel hot topic end go off to buy new outfitz fer everyone. i hav bought everything with mah credit card so i still hav $500 to blow.

well actuallyz, first i spend $100 on perfume at bath end body workz. i am so not going into the woodz on a quest without smelling adorablez!1! then i decid to buy everyone new lik clothez.

first nico breadstick. lik seriously bro, there are more than one colorz then black. i go into american apparel end lik buy lik a blue beach print tshirt end pink skinny jeanz. then i buy a pairz of lik alligator print shoez that i no totally matchez the lik clothez. to complete the look i buy a leather fedora end aviators, end then purple lace suspenders fer effect.

then gross mika. i go over into the gills section end lik buy a hot pink sequined track suit end high heeled neon green leather bootz to match. i hav lik such a great sense of style!1! i also buy lik a yellow glittery crop top dat sayz music becuz lik shez the daughter of lik apollo im so smart!1!

then leo fire mexican elf boy. can i just say atrocious!?1?! lik hes alwayz covered in grease end has no sense of style at all. i decide to get him a spandex shiny silver shirt end matching pantz. deciding thatz not glitzy enough i get sum snazzy lik glittery sneakerz end a neon red leather jacket dat sayz swag on the back. i no everyone will LOVE their outfitz.

then finally MYSELF. ive been channeling outdoor chic for the outfitz, so decide that mine will be the best. i head out of gross american apparel end head into prada. i buy an entire outfit in snakeskin end lik matching bootz too. and a handbag fer good measure. by now hazel has found moi end we head out to meet creepy argus in the van.

now in the van i spring into my plan. all our stuff has magically been squished into the back of the van so i casually make conversation with hazel.

me: so u no lik dat asian guy frank?

hazel: Yes, he's kind of my boyfriend. What about him?

me: i sawed him cheating on you with lik angry roman gill.

hazel: You mean Reyna? They're coworkers basically, I think you just misinterpreted what you saw.

me: um no i hav lik evidence

i pull out my phone end lik pull up a video of two pepple kissing. its actually some clip from a movie but becuz hazels lik old end stupid end also the video is from behind end the actors hav similar hair to frank end reyna gill i think she might believe it.

hazel: I'll go talk to Frank. I don't think this is what it looks like, but thanks for letting me know Chelsea.

yayyy more of the persy squad is suspicious of each other lik i em so good. anniberth has lost all her memory, pepper end jasy dont trust lik each other end now frank the asian guy end weird eyez hazel are suspicious. YAYAYAYAYA!1!

and ill hav plently of time to make sure leo end nico hate each other too. this is just perfect.

 ***facepalms* oh chelsea. Anyway, sorry if Hazel is extremely ooc because as I've previously stated I'm not very good at writing other characters that aren't my own. But please leave a review and tell me what you think, because finally in the next chapter Chelsea heads off on her quest. Leave a nice review for the outfits? lol I really tried to emphasize Chelsea's lack of taste in anything. Also tell me if you want the next chapter right away or if you want a (really crappy) Annabeth pov.**

 **Thank you for reading and have a lovely day :)**


	15. Annabeth awakens

**Annabeth:**

"Annabeth…." I hear a distant voice call my name. I open my eyes to see a barren landscape and a woman in the distance. I have no idea who she is, but my instincts tell me that she's good, and that I should know her. Grimacing at the pain in my head, I edge closer to her.

"Annabeth, my dear. Do you remember me? I am your mother." Suddenly, my mind, which had been blank of almost everything before remembers who she is. My mother, the goddess Athena. I try to piece together where I am and why I'm here, but Athena interrupts my train of thought.

"Now Annabeth, right now you're in a dream. Unfortunately, in the real world you have been severely wounded." I must look pretty shocked, because she continues on with "Don't worry, physically you're fine. But unfortunately you've lost many of your memories. Do you remember who did it?"

I shake my head no, and Athena motions for me to hold her hand, and we step into a memory.

 _Two girls stood in the center of a group of onlookers. A closer view shows that one of the girls was me, and the other was a new arrival at camp named Chelsea. She points her oddly glittery pink dagger at my chest and requests a duel. Apparently it is for Percy, a boy that I notice in the background. As I try to recognize the people around me, their faces all blur together, and I can't tell any of them apart. I accept the duel halfheartedly, it seems. After a few seconds, it appears that I will obviously win, until a pink streak comes flying at my face. It is the last thing I see before everything goes black._

My mother turns to me and says "This is the new danger you are facing. You wouldn't remember, but after you were rushed to the infirmary, the injuries that you had could not be fixed with ambrosia. There was quite a bit of blood, but in the end it was only a concussion. An injury like that is supposed to be fixed with ambrosia. In my knowledge, the dagger that was held against you was perfectly normal. Therefore the reason that you could not be cured magically was the wielder of the dagger. This Chelsea girl is not a demigod, though she believes she is the daughter of Aphrodite. All you need to know now is that for the injury you had to have happened, this Chelsea must have really had a dislike for you, and that you must wake up now and try to stop her.

I try to stop her from leaving, but she fades away as I'm aware that I'm waking up. I open my eyes to see a boy staring intently at me. He seems very familiar, but I have no idea who he could be.

"Annabeth? Are you okay?" I look at him blankly. Who could he be?

 **Sorry for butchering Annabeth's pov up. Also excuse the possible medical inaccuracies to Annabeth's injury (the only medical knowledge I have is if something's bleeding, you put a bandaid on it). Anyway, please review, I like constructive criticism, and thank you for reading :)**


	16. finally da lik quest

**So I've been dead for what feels like forever for me but probably it's just been a few weeks. As we all no I have no social life, my absence has been due to all the schoolwork I have, particularly the BLOODY 9 PARAGRAPH ESSAY- (oh gods I hope my teacher doesn't see this). I also have been feeling a massive case of writer's block, and I didn't know how to start the quest for a very long time, but here it is. In an attempt to get to know the people that read my terrible work, if you review please leave your favorite Harry Potter character, favorite youtuber, and feel free to advertise the heck out of your own fanfictions because I need something to read right now.**

 **Also this was collaboratively written with my sister. She was the one who finally made me get up and write it, and we kind of bounced ideas off of each other and wrote this together.**

 **And without any further ado I now hand you the quest:**

well anniberhtrhghjtht has been awake unfortunately but lik she still deosnt remember anything which imo is lik hilariousz. i see the gross (esect fer persy) persy squad has lik started lookin each other weird end itz hiLARIOUZZZZZ

anywayz lik i had to git up SO ERRRRLY this mornin lik dat lacy kid had to lik drag me up is that lik a one direction song er sumthin?!1!? well those loserz lik nico breadstick end leo elf boy end mika traitor are all li already up end lik omg wut iz nico breadstick holdin?/? i think itz lik a knokoff of my totez adorbz pinkk dagger lik it looks so chheappp lik not even lotza money lookin like omggggg an they iz holdin ther new lik 1000$ backpackz. then leo elf face comez up to moi and i know hes gonna say he lovez it lik duh!11111! he lookz lik he wantz to slapz me i guess his face is just that way lik hazelz

he sayz somethin an lik i beat him to itz "okz so lik where iz ur chick outfits?/!

okz so lik wheres the limoo?!1/!/!?" then leo startz actin sassyyyy lik omgg wut?/11! an he sayz"There is no limo, Chelsea." lik omgg did he dare test me an moi's dagger an lik he needz to respectz moi as aphrodite's daughter!111!"whoo do u think u are leo elf dude lik omg just use ur stupid dragon!111" i yell angrily. leo taco bell starts to start lighting up with lik fireee"DON'T CALL FESTUS STUPID!  
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM AGAIN! YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND WITH A BRAIN LIKE THAT!"

lik omg did he jus insult moi's intelligense er whatevers?!1!1!?/? "ugh leo taco bell lik shutz the word that lik rimes with lik fudge up!111!" an then lik nico olive garden just lik walks up an says "F- doesn't rhyme with fudge." i gasp lik cutely an sayz"lik omg nico breadstick you just said da real word lik omg isn't this suppoez to be a kids fanfiction lik wut?/!1 we are only suppoez to hint at bad wordz lik you wreckked it lik omgg!111?/?/!1!1" then nico breadstick sayz annoyinglyz "Quit breaking the fourth wall Chelsea." an then lik mika traitor er whatever comez up an sayz"Are you guys ready yet? Chelsea, where's the rest of the stuff?" lik eww canut she see? an then lik that rainbow guy butch er whateverrr an weird gross clovis guy comes with the the lik stuffz i bought an putz in dis hideous black monstrosity of a jeeepppp lik omg wut?/?/?

i reluctantlyz get into da jeep becuz i am so beautiful and prettay lik duh lik i can't even believe lik leo elf and nico breadstick spent lik so much time on the grossss thinnggg lik omggg!111! when me an mika stayz in da jeep end leo elf an nico breadstick getz the car ready. mika tellz me to shut up an be patient. after lik 5 minutez cuz that iz a long time, i boke da silencee "okz lik where iz da organic, full of lik fiber drink dispenser?/!1111!?" i demand atractivelly of course."lik what doez dis dumb car lik do anywayzz?/?/?!111!" an then lik nico breadstick hopz into da passenger seat an sayz "You would be really surprised Chelsea."

sunndendly i GASP becuz lik the car GROWZ WINGZ end shoots up so fast lik i fall out of my seat. the other 3 look relly triumphant end i git so mad i want to lik scream. i was TRYING to rebelliously lik not wear my seatbelt but SOMEONE COUGH COUGH AKA LEO TACO BELL had to show me how the jeep workedz in such a lik rude wayz!1! lik um i dont care if it lik flys, i CHIPPED A LIK NAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!1!

well lik now that were up in the lik air in an lik invisibled end flying jeep, everythingz calms lik down. mika iz rudely reading pride end prejudice, nico italian breadstick iz weirdly fiddling with hiz seatbelt end lik trying to make sure it lik 100% workz. lik wut iz he scared of lik being blasted out of the lik sky by zeus!?11?! ughhhh end taco bell leo who i will not lik talk to iz like driving end lookingz a lik gps to lik find canada. we hav to find the hunterz to see if they came across marysue b word becuz usually the hunterz see thingz.

i decid to split the 2 remainin memberz of the persy squad up rite now.

me: hey leo nico's cheatingz on lik u

Leo: Shut up.

me: its true lik i saw him kissing a gill in lik the hallway at goode

Leo: Chelsea, he's gay.

me: um lik no i cleerly sawed it hadplen.

Leo: Chelsea, Nico is a FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL. As in NOT HETEROSEXUAL. As in DOES NOT LIKE FEMALES. Would you like me to go into detail?

leo mexican boy then goes on end on end i lik ignore him. this lik lame couple is like so hard to brake up. ugh. i start yellingz bad thingz about lik the entire persy squad until lik mika duct tapes my mouth shut. grr. it wasnt even lik PINK duct tape.

finnaly since i cant talk anymore i decid to take a nap. before i fall asleep, i heer nico breadstick boy whisper to lik leo elf boy " Honestly if she thinks anyone actually believes her ridiculous stories, she may be even dumber than I thought. We're all messing with her, and I think I might actually be having fun for the first time in my life. It just sucks that Annabeth is injured, but some weird force is preventing everyone from overreacting or punishing Chelsea correctly." ughhhhhhhhhhhhh what doez he lik mean no one believes mah liez/ carefully crafted storys um lik the persy squad is so not acting lik suspicious of each other to mess with moi end lik annieifybfvgidh deserved wut she got um i so do not need punishmentz.

i drift off to sleepz peacefull, dreaming of persy.


	17. flying carz are lik so lameeeee

**So in my last intro I put "no" instead of "know". *sighs* This is the same person who is in an Advanced English class. Anyways, my favorite Harry Potter character would probably either be Luna Lovegood or Dobby, and my favorite YouTubers are Dan and Phil, MacDoesIt, Doddleoddle, Grace Helbig, and countless others.**

 **Because I am high quality trash.**

 **Moving on:**

 **Ayano's Theory of Relativity: Nice stories :) Neville's great**

 **Calefe: omg lik i no rite!1! lik no one believez me but itz lik truuuu**

 **The Punk Rock Demigod: Thank you!**

i am lik rudely awakened from lik my bootiful dreamz by Nico italian breadstick, who lik angrily handz me a happy meal end lik a twinkie end a bottle of lik fruit infused beauty water. he then rudelyz lik tellz moi to stop snoring so loud lik watttt who even lik are u i DO NOT SNOREZ. ughhhhh. he goez back to eatingz hiz own happy meal, end i look out the windowz to lik see where we our.

"um lik leo" i say cutelyz, "i dont lik this lik view, therez too much lik sky end cloudz. can u be a deer end lik change the view to lik a pool full of lik attractivive males?!/!?1!?" gross mika smackz lik her book pride end prejudice on her forehead end yellz meanly "Chelsea. WE'RE IN THE BLOODY SKY. That is why there are CLOUDS and BLUE. Ugh, my first quest and we're stuck with an idiot like you." while lik nico olive garden mumbles somethin lik " I actually wouldn't mind the pool full of attractive males."

leo fire elf taco chipotle bell finally anouncez dat were almost canadia, which mika is complaining im pronouncing wrong lik wat canada is totez NOT how to say it itz lik canadia, end that we should be the hunterz soon. apparentlyz ive been knocked out since yesterdayz afternoon end i completely missed lik 300 hourz er somethin since itz nearly 6 pm now. ugh itz tuesday end im not wearing my sky blue louboutins, which alwayz makez moi depressed becuz lik even tho im perfect, i still hav lik problems. i finish mah dinner happy mealz end lik toss the lik box end wrapperz out the window before lik mika can stopz me.

 **(I decided to put Nico's POV here since it's hard to decipher what's going on with Chelsea's constant passive aggressive rants and her complaining about her first world problems all the time. This takes place during Chelsea's power nap. Also, apologies to me butchering up Nico's pov. I love him as a character, but I suck at writing as him.)**

Nico: I like to think I'm a very nice and open person (Leo disagrees with this), but that Chelsea girl has something very off about her, even apart from her moronic comments and utter lack of common sense. The instant she fell asleep, Mika, Leo, and I huddle together (the car is on autofly) and discuss her.

Me: Okay, something's going on because of Chelsea. Have you noticed how weird her presence is?

Leo: You think everyone is weird, Nico. But anyway, I do agree. Everyone literally saw her stab Annabeth, and it's affected her memory, but no one has reacted very much at all. Clarisse isn't even terrorizing things like she usually is, and Chiron's judgement has been down the drain, ever since Chelsea and that creepy girl with all the names showed up.

Mika: She's always had a way of getting what she wants. I guess I've come to resist it, being her friend, but she has a way of numbing people's reactions to her actions. Do you think it's a normal Aphrodite thing? Like Charmspeak?

Leo: I don't think so, I've heard Piper do it and it sounds completely different. Even then, the Charmspeak wouldn't affect the border. It let a mortal in, and even Peleus didn't stop Marya from stealing the fleece.

Me: Okay, so this is bad.- _No s**t Sherlock-_ shut up Leo. I say we just get to the Hunters as fast as we can, and I'll text Ella and see if she can find out what's going on.

Leo: Since when are you such good friends with Ella the Harpy?

Me: Since she started reading Homestuck and decided to force a bunch of us to do live recreations of it. I'm apparently Karkat.

Mika: GAHH YOU MAKE A PERFECT KARKAT ARGH I'M SO HAPPY CAN I BE IN IT I WANT TO BE ROSE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *fangirls*

By the time Mika has recovered from her acute fangirlitis, we've pulled out some happy meals out from Leo's patented magical expanding food storage place. He spent so much time making that and the expanding luxury bathroom complete with a hot tub that we had no space for other stuff, and my unfortunately little Chelsea-provided backpack is hidden underneath lies of sleeping bags and tents in the trunk. Honestly I'm surprised this all even

We talk for hours, unencumbered by Chelsea, who has been asleep for an uncomfortably long time, stopping to eat a happy meal and listening to the entire Blue Neighborhood album. I think this is one of the few times I've ever felt like I belonged, with people I enjoyed talking to...and Chelsea being asleep is a bit of a blessing too.

Soon it reaches nighttime and I fall asleep on Leo's shoulder as he sets the car on autofly.

 **Um...please review I guess? Let's just go through my usual begging for reviews, so tell me if you like my story or not and constructive criticism and all that fun stuff. Also, don't worry that the car might be attacked when they sleep, Leo has alarms and backup traps set up so they'll have plenty of time to get up and fight.**

 **I'm also doing a fight scene soon…..so enjoy Chelsea's fighting?**

 **Thank you for putting up with my sad excuse for literature and have a great day xxx**


	18. artemissy end crew r lik so lame

**Happy Valentines Day!**

 **I am finding this story much more difficult to write now that I'm following an actual plot, but don't worry, I have an ending for this. Another hint is, the Albus that Chiron contacts is not Dumbledore, but Harry's son. I don't know if I specifically stated if it was Dumbledore or not before, but the plotline I was planning was not working out, so yes, the Albus is now Albus Severus Potter.**

 **Ayano's Theory of Relativity: uggh totalyz lik ikr poor chelsigh**

 **Leo Flamin'Valdez: Yes, there will be blood.**

 **Calefe: yerrr so lik right lik i took 45 yrs of lik geography or lik geology er lik geometry or somethin but they did not mention canada lik even ONCE**

 **CrazyBlueOwl: I try ( not enough lol) but I'm not too good at writing romantic stuff (this also has to stay PG as I have discovered that some of my sister's rather young friends read this) but since today is valentines day I will try**

 **LibbySlaysTheUniverse: Thank You :)**

 **The Punk Rock Demigod: Best compliment I have ever received. To be compared to bacon is my ultimate dream :)**

where officicially in lik CANADIA end lemme just lik say dat it SUCKZ. were iz lik justin bieber i heard dat he was lik canadian or lik austrian or lik from chipotle or somethin. we are in A LIK FOREST which is lik SO bad fer lik mah hair end lik there is NO five star hotel anywhere. UGGH i lik no im a former gill scout end i en lik SOOOO qualifififed to be outdoorz… but this is lik just gross.

taco bell chipotle leo parks the car a bit outside the hunterz lik camp end we lik bring are tentz end stuff insidez. i actuallyz HAVE TO DO WORK END LIK CARRY STUFF IN UFGHHHHHH IM LIK SO MAD LIK UGH IM RICH I WILL CALL MY FATHER OH THE PAINZ END SUFFFERINGZ I HAV TO GO THREW ITZ NOT EASYZ BEING PERFFECT END KEWL END LIK BETTER THEN LIK EVERYONE!1!

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. nico breadstick olive garden makez no attemptz to help moi lik i hav to carry my backpack sleepingz bag end tent end sword ALL MY MESELFZ. well i lik finally manage persevering becuz im lik a living saint basciallyz lik not even kidding i am too lik pure fer this world.

apparently the lik creepy boy hating hunterz will only let gillz in there campsite leo end nico go off to set up there tentz a few yardz lik away from lik there campsite end leave moi end mika to greet the lik hunterz. i decid dat i should do artemis chik a favor end lik get her end her squad to be totez boy crazy. lik what bad things will hadplen?

so lik mika end i set up are tentz quiclyz end i chipz my naill!11!11!1

"um mika" i lik say cutezly "lik can u get neer ur tent yet cuz lik you are stinkingz up moi's tent wif ur disgustinglyz cheap perfumez!111!111!" end she sayz meanlyz "Chelsea, we are sharing a tent. You call my nonexistent perfume cheap? Says the girl who can't count past 50." lik i am SOO MAD STUPIDZ MIKA! i can so totez lik countz to lik 50. im in the lik advanced math class skool rememember? lik even other kidz call it the dumb class, which meanz lik that im smarterz than the lik teacher.

so annywayz lik now me an mika are not on spezkingz termz. "Hey guys! We're going to go look for the Hunters!"leo taco bell callz from their tent. okz so now i deviz moi's amazin plan for da hunterz of lik artemis to be boy crazyy!1111!11!

i spot a weird lookin teen gill with li FRECKLEZ lik where are ur five layerz of makeup to hid such gross thingz?/? i guess the hunterz need more helpz than i thought. i am lik almost about to yell her fer not wearingz makeup when lik gross leo elf end nico breadstick pull me aside (they lik are apparentlyz done setting up there tent) end tell moi "That's Artemis. WHatever you do, do _not_ mess with her, or you could screw this whole thing up. Us two being boys already makes this a stretch for them, so just keep your mouth shut and we can form a good agreement."

we get led over to gross no make up gill by even groser gill thalia who apparently is blondie boy jason's sister but must be an imposter becuz lik she'z so ugly. the boyz, who artemis seemz to lik more after she realizes they are lik datingz each other end not lik a threat to her hunterz end mika start negotiationg a agreement for there help to find the fleece in exchange fer the permission to lik find some rabbitlope dat artemis turned sum chick named marysue into but wantz to find again to punish mor.

i fake snore cutely to show how bored but still hot i am, but the i relize. I NO MARYSUE. quikly i offer mah idea, tryingz to sound lik ive been payingz attention fer lik the last fifteenz minuets.

Me: Um lik i havez an idea

Artemis: Okay, go ahead Chelsea.

Me: UGHHH U SAID MY NAMEZ WRONG YOU STUPID B WORD!1!

Thalia: You do NOT speak to Lady Artemis like that, unless you an arrow through your head.

Artemis: No, it's fine Thalia. This _girl_ has a plan. I say we hear it out.

she smilez devilishly end i guess that meanz she understandz how wrong end gross she iz end how i am lik better than her.

Me: SO lik u give us ur lieutenant to helpz us find the gill with the fleece, end give us ten dayz, until net lik friday to find it. i also get complete control over lik wut she wearz end her lik makeup end stuff. in return fer li marysue, you have to lik make her a lik hunter. she hatez not bein able to flirtz with lik boyz, so it will be lik the ultimate punishment. but also if we lik don't return in lik ten dayz u can lik annihilate every boy camp halfsiez.

Leo: Wow Chelsea, that was actually a pretty good idea. Do you agree with it, Lady Artemis?

Artemis: I give my consent, I suppose. Thalia, go pack your things. I will see you in ten days, if all goes well.

i am lik so happyz until we get out of artemissy's earshot end leo yells "Are you crazy, Chelsea?! Annihilate every boy at Camp Half Blood?! Do you not realize how seriously the Gods take promises?! Have you realized that I AM A MALE?! NICO IS A MALE!? Heck, even your precious Percy IS A MALE!?

i am about to tell him to shut his big mouth, but the thalia gross gill, who is done packing her stuff, comes up behind us and lik laughs?!

"She's in love with Kelp Head? Why? It's like we're caught in some lame mortals meet demigods fanfiction. I bet there will be some HUGE plot twist where I end up renouncing my Hunter status for my undying love towards Nico or something. No offense Nico, but you're like 14 and taken. Besides I lean more towards the female side anyways." i swear to god mikas eyes grow even wider but lik i am completely angered thalia face now. how dare she ever think my luv fer persy is fake?1111!11!

we head towards the lik lame jeep, with gross thalia end traitor mika becoming bffs when they realize how much they have in common end gross breadstick nico end leo taco bell being all love dovey end gross.

but the lik sudedently some lik giant bird thingz come lik flying in. the otherz immediately grab there weaponz, but lik i no i am too brave to resort to that. they all yell at me to help them fight, but lik i am too good for that. lik they all look lik idiotz attackingz the lik monsterz lk that. i no i have to look fab doin it.

cutely i lik raisez mah sword end adorably swing it the incoming lik bird monster.


	19. anniebethth's stupid lik amnesia

**omgz li oh no chelsigh!1!111!1!1!1!1!11 shez lik so brave fer killing those lik horrid bird monsterz**

 **The Punk Rock Demigod: Okay, if you say so, Thalia's individuality is going to be beat up by Chelsea**

 **We're All Okay: Gah I didn't mean people like you, but I will PM you if I need help**

 **Calefe: um obviously lik chelsigh will surviv shez too awesomesauce not to**

 **Ayano's Theory of Relativity: I dunno, I'm not sure my kinda lame oc is good enough for the**

 **sheer amazing that is Thalia...so they'll be friends for now?**

 **CrazyBlueOwl: Sure, go ahead :)**

ughhh allready lame thalia is acctin lik she has SOO much experience lik who does she think she is a hunter lieutenant thing? shez telling us not to kill the harpiez, only harm them until they lik leave becuz we dont need iris mad us.

since lik i no that i am too good to fight them all i just sit back end pose fer selfies with mah cute weapon. since mah monster proof phone has unlimited data everywhere i take advavvantage of it end lik post 28 selfiez on instagram, knowing all my 10 followerz will luv it. i hav sOO manyz follwerz.

finally they otherz get rid of the grossss harpy thingz end we can finally get into the jeep end start drivingz.

Thalia: So I'm assuming you guys don't have a plan?

Leo: Nope, winging it, but from Nico and me's vague planning we have decided to look around this forest for a bit, assuming as a jackalope Marya hasn't gotten very far.

Nico: Nico and _I's_.

Leo: Why are you talking in third person?

Nico: *facepalms* You're grammar stupid.

Mika: _Your,_ not you're.

Leo: You literally just said the same word twice.

Thalia: No Leo, read the script, page five, your and you're are clearly very different.

Nico: Would you all PLEASE stop breaking the fourth wall? We have a fleece to find, and there's plenty of other problems we have to fix. The camp barrier's completely messed up, and Annabeth's lost her memory.

Mika: Speaking of which, we should definitely cut to a scene of Percy's point of view.

Thalia: Yes, good idea Mika. Page six says "scene fades away to Camp Half Blood".

Me: um lik why dont lik i hav a script also i wanna see mah persy bae

Nico: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL-

 **Percy:**

There are very few people in the world that I genuinely hate. Chelsea just made number one on the list, even surpassing Kronos, Gaea, and smelly Gabe. She literally smacked Annabeth in the head with a sword, but escaped on a quest before I could get my revenge.

What I don't understand is why no one is angry at her. Maybe it could be my water-filled brain, but I clearly remember a pretty big crowd watching the duel.

But that doesn't matter for now. Annabeth's memory still has not changed a bit, and it's been a few days since the event. I've decided to visit her again to see how she is.

I walk into the infirmary, and am slightly shocked to find her sitting up applying makeup. I guess I don't notice things because I'm a guy, but I didn't think she wore makeup? Ignoring this. I step closer and cautiously say "Good morning Annabeth. Remembering anything?"

She flinches a bit at the sound of my voice, which I suppose is better than the first time, when she threw a shoe at me after I tried to hug her. I still have a bruise. Converse HURT.

Annabeth: Hi Percy. I think I remember everything for the most part. Ran away when I was seven, met Luke and Thalia and Grover, the Titan War, the seven, Gaea dying, and then finally being safe.

Me: Anything about a certain Seaweed Brain?

Annabeth: Haha, very funny Percy. I don't remember being your girlfriend at all. As far as I recall I don't think we've ever met.

Me: Can you try? I swear I'm your boyfriend. Remember Tartarus?

Annabeth: Tartar Sauce? What? I've never fallen into Tartarus. Is this sarcasm?

Me: Ugh, never mind. So um, you wanna go see a movie later?

Annabeth: You're asking me out, aren't you? But sure, if you think it will help me _magically_ remember being your girlfriend.

I sigh a bit and we talk some more.

*scene changes back to flying jeep*

Chelsea's POV:

Thalia: Annabeth has amnesia? Why didn't anyone tell me this?

me: well lik i dont lik bragging becuz lik i am lik so humble end stuffz but i was the one who swung mah cute sword end lik hit annibetjhgbrithnpsudbiybiurhviuhth's stupid head

Thalia: WHAT! I AM GOING TO DECAPITATE YOU YOU STUPID BIT-

leo is lik strugglin to lik get gross thalia off of moi end i guess i made her lik mad er somethin? ughh annieberthththt was gross anywayz. i ignore them all end angrily grab a happy meal to eat mah lik lunch in lik silence, daydreamin about persy until the others relize how mean they were to poor little lik me. the minute i get back to lik chb i WILL hav persy.

 **So Annabeth doesn't remember Percy...what an uncalled for plot twist. Anyway the story will start diverging into multiple plotlines, so brace yourself for some Percabeth amnesia recovery, main plotline with the find stupid marysue and fleece quest, and something to be announced with Frazel!**

 **Thank you for reading, please give constructive criticism in your review, and if you notice any errors please let me know :)**


	20. not an update

*oops i died for like 4 months*

sorry, first of all. i wrote myself into a hole and just kind of left this story. (i had a decent plot arc planned too, but i just kind of stopped writing.)

i just wanted to say that i'm (officially) taking a break from this story, but someday it will be finished. maybe in a month, maybe in a year, i don't know.

but thank you to all those who supported me and my crap writing, you all gave me the motivation to write :)


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